Monday, November 8, 2010

Hillsboro race report - Rock Opera version

Color me crazy, but for me the drama of a cyclocross race is akin to theater, musical theater perhaps.

Above all it is a journey. Like all good journeys, there is a beginning (Act I) where the protagonist, ‘The boy’ loves his bike and loves racing his bike – life is wonderful. They start the journey together. Then comes the trying middle part (Act II) that is fraught with extreme physical challenge. The boy questions his committment to his bike (boys loses bike). Then comes the conclusion of his journey (Act III), with acceptance of his situation (finish place), and a reunion with his bike (boy gets bike back ). Life CAN be wonderful again.

Here is my take on the Hillsboro race with Bohemian Rhapsody laid over the top. Apologies to those under 30 who may not be familiar with this epic (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=irp8CNj9qBI).


Act I
A mellow start

Scene: The start chute and lap 1.

I’m just a poor boy……….” - The boy nervously awaits the start

“….look up to the sky and see….” - He checks the weather

anyway the wind blows doesn’t really matter to me” – He is blasé about the conditions - he's here to RACE

caught in a landslide……no escape from reality” - Start whistle and 50 lumbering Clydes take off

“……little high...... little low” - Some bad cornering on lap 1


Act II
Pace and rhythm

Scene: Laps 2 and 3

momma just killed a man” - Candi pulls a rider from the race for accepting a bacon hand-up

Gotta leave you all behind and face the truth” - The boy ups the pace and determinedly gives chase

I don’t want to die……..” - (whispered to bike) The boy goes out too hard and redlines

sometimes wish I’d never been born at all “ - In the face of physical distress, The boy questions relationship with bike and now regrets entering the race

I’m just a poor boy, nobody loves me” - The boy is now at his lowest point. The bike then slaps him around a bit and tells him to snap out of his mid-race self-pitying funk


Act III
Journey’s end

Scene: Lap 4 and finish line

I see a LITTLE silloetto of a man….” - He spots a Clyde ahead and gives chase (sung ironically)

Gallilleo....Gallileo....Gallilleo........Figaro” – sung in falsetto as he passes classically-named Clyde twins

we will not let you go……..let me go” - He passes several Clydes on the gravel section. They respond negatively. In response The boy expresses his desire to drop them

so you think that you can stop me and spit in my eye” - The boy defiantly passes a couple more riders and casts a derisive eye over them

just got to get out……….. just got to get right out of here” – he hammers through the huge mud puddles. Nothing can stop them now - The boy and bike rediscovering their love for one another (and mud)

ooooh yeah…….oh yeah” - Together they triumphantly nail the final half lap

nothing really matters to me……….” – They cross the finish line as One and The boy realizes that his love for bike is eternal and nothing else is important

The boy and bike take their bow

Post-race posing (photo: R. Rosko)

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